Today is the 26th January 2011 . How are you ? You . . . the one just reading my blog post .

I miss my friends and family .

A few days ago, i had a nightmare . I couldn't remember everything so i'm just gonna say what i remember . I dreamt that my dad was back from a temporary job in Hong Kong, and was cheated . He received a much lesser pay than what the boss agreed to pay . He phoned many calls to Hong Kong to get through what happened, but he was never satisfied with the explanation given to him . So he decided to make a trip to Hong Kong with a few other workers that had the same issue, but just before he went, he got into an accident and died .

When i heard of what happened, i couldn't respond . I have no idea what to do, what to say, how i should deal with it . What's surprising, is that i could still see him around, just as usual, but only i could see him . He was still talking to his friends about the issue . I have no idea if he knew he was dead . When the scene showed that i was in a dark room alone, i could hear him, still talking . I held back my tears, only whispered out a soft 'pa' and he seems to hear it . I know this is ridiculous but it's what i dreamt of . And when i looked out of the room window, he was there, standing, looking at me with the same expression he does whenever we were kids crying .

He asked me what happened, why am i crying and repeatedly asked me not to cry . . . not to cry . But i only cried harder . I lost control . Just when i was crying so badly, i woke up . More like someone shocked me awake .

May god bless .

I once saw a quote from my friend's Facebook status, it goes something like this, 'when woman cry, it's not because of one matter . It's the accumulation of many issues.' And i have to agree with it, totally . Unless it's a really big issue, crying is inevitable . But when a quarrel arises, and a woman cries, there're many answers when you pop the 'what happened' question . Sometimes, there're simply too much to say, too much to explain, no words to describe that usually woman just say they're fine . In fact, it never was, never is, perhaps never will . I'm not afraid to admit i'm just like one of these women .

From the age when i learnt the harsh reality of life, i started bearing things and keeping issues to myself . I never wanted to share it to my family because i don't want them to get worried or sad over my problems . And i never got much friends, real friends to share my troubles . Then, till now, i've lost track, forgotten some, forgiven some . I never really know how to answer or reply to anyone including myself when the 'what happened' question is asked . Even if i have years to explain it all . Some issues are just un-describable, some actions done that you can't say it out how you feel about it .

For the happiness of 5 or 10 people not knowing my troubles, i have to endure what i'm going through, alone . Doesn't it makes sense ? Say you got bullied in class, why run to your mum and dad and whoever it is to tell them and make them worried if you're gonna be okay next time . All you have to do is just bear with it; keep it to yourself . It will be fine after some time .

And sometimes, you know you have to do the right thing, even if it means something you hate, something you have to give up, some life dream you're so looking forward to .

For that, i end my post for today . Miss you guys much .